8.2.10

FFF # 20 - PLOT SIDE

Thanks to Cormac Brown for hosting Friday Flash Fiction

Plot Side

“His life would have been a lot simpler if he’d just said no.”

“Why didn’t he?”

“Couldn’t. Owed too much coin to too many people.”

“Mike?”

“That's one.”

“So he did the job, and Mike got his money. Why this?”

“Time had come.”

“Man can’t even eat breakfast in peace. Just wrong.”

“One way of seeing it.”

“Cops talk to you?”

“Last night. Just fishing, they got nothing.”

“Mike never spent a minute worrying about them. Peace been bought long time ago.”

“Might be time for things to change.”

“Ain’t going to be me.”

“Figures.”

“You sayin’ I should? Or you gonna take care of this yourself?”

“Coupla guys from out yonder ready to get their piece.”

“Town ain’t big enough for two.”

“There’d be only one.”

“You?”

“Could be.”

“You'll get me liking you  for this. Here she comes.”

“Shame.”

“Nice girl. Never hurt anyone, got stuck with a sorry excuse for a husband.”

“You'll take care of her? With the kids and all, she’ll need you.”

“Thought that would be you.”

“That mouth gonna buy you a pine box next to his.”

“I seen your eyes when she's around.”

“Won't do me any good to get even with a dead man.”

“What you mean?”

“The job wasn't the only thing he didn't say no to.”

“That so?”

 “Man never turned down a broad. Even if she belonged to another man.” 

The End

8 comments:

  1. A fine first effort, Deegan. Congratulations, you are on the author list and your story will be posted today, along with everyone else's!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some people just can't say no to anything. Good job Deegan, enjoyed it. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very clever, Deegan. Great language and flowing dialogue!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you very much for the positive comments. A dialogue-only piece was something I wanted to experiment with for a long time, and this seemed like a good vehicle for it. Looking forward to the next one!
    Deegan

    ReplyDelete
  5. You definitely pulled it off. Very easy to picture this conversation happening.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just dialog is tough to pull off. But you managed to to a fine job. Conversation built just the right mood.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Flow was nice -- Had a clear sense of both characters just by voices -- look forward to more posts

    ReplyDelete
  8. I definately liked the dialog, great change to what I've been reading lately.

    ReplyDelete